Sometimes we find ourselves trapped in ways of acting that hurt us:
that constant need to be right,
the hardness that prevents us from showing vulnerability,
the inertia that keeps us away from what we truly long for…
We know these behaviors reduce our well-being. We know the cost they have in our lives. And yet, we remain there.
Why?
Why is it so difficult to change?
Personal change is not only a matter of willpower. If it were, it would be simple. What complicates the process is not only what we lose when we maintain certain patterns…
but what we gain.
Yes, even the behaviors that limit us often have hidden benefits. Recognizing them is a fundamental step toward initiating a deeper and more sustainable change.
Many people discover in therapy that the very thing they most want to change in their lives also serves an important protective function.
What does it give you that it also takes away?
Let’s consider an example: if always being right ensures that you are taken into account and feel valued, then giving up the need to be right would emotionally feel like giving up love or recognition.
And that is no small thing.
The “neurotic” pattern then becomes a way of protecting ourselves.
Until we question it. Until we begin to see that this protection confines us more than it cares for us.
Until we realise that what once protected us now keeps us trapped.
Investigating instead of forcing
Instead of pressuring yourself to change, you can begin by investigating:
What benefit do I obtain from this attitude?
What does this way of being protect me from?
How could I obtain the same benefit in a healthier way for myself?
This approach does not seek to impose answers. It aims to open possibilities.
In Gestalt Therapy, change often begins precisely with these kinds of questions—questions that help us become aware of what we do and why we do it.
Change as an unknown territory
Like visiting a restaurant with a completely new menu, there are no predefined rules. There is curiosity, experimentation, mistakes and discovery.
It is natural for fear to appear. The fear of making mistakes, of not knowing whether you are doing it “right”.
It is the fear of losing external references, when in fact you already lost your way once: when you stopped listening to your own heart and followed only what others expected of you.
Very often the therapeutic process consists precisely in recovering that capacity to listen to yourself and choose with greater freedom.
Taking responsibility and choosing
In Gestalt counselling, paths are not imposed. Possibilities are offered.
You are the one who chooses.
Because choosing means taking responsibility for your life. And that is where real transformation begins.
Questions to begin changing
What benefit do you obtain by maintaining that behavior that makes you suffer?
How could you achieve that same benefit in a way that is more respectful toward yourself?
There are no correct answers. There are personal paths.
If you are ready to explore, here is a place
Gestalt Therapy is an invitation to look at yourself without judgment, with depth and respect.
A space where you can begin to explore what you maintain, what you desire and what you are willing to transform.
