Throughout life, there are moments that simply hurt. Unfulfilled desires, relationships that do not correspond to what we hoped for, goals that remain out of reach. Situations that confront us with a reality that is difficult to accept.
And it is precisely at that point that frustration appears.
Our capacity to tolerate it does not arise out of nowhere. It is deeply connected to how we were accompanied in childhood. If, as children, we did not learn how to comfort ourselves (or were not comforted), it is likely that as adults we struggle to accept what we cannot change.
What do we do with what cannot be changed?
Accepting does not mean resigning ourselves. But it does mean letting go of the demand that life should be different, and beginning to relate to what is, rather than to what should be.
Phrases such as:
“this is not fair”
“it should be different”
“I cannot accept this”
may have every reason behind them. But when they become the only way we relate to reality, they end up isolating us from love, relief and peace.
What if comforting myself were not surrender, but care?
Sometimes we feel that comforting ourselves means betraying our desires. As if telling ourselves “I can live with this” were a form of self-deception.
In reality, it is an act of emotional maturity and compassion toward ourselves.
Accepting that someone cannot or does not want to give us what we need does not mean denying the pain that this causes. It means recognizing that the pain exists, that it is legitimate… and that we can survive it without hardening ourselves.
Being compassionate with yourself is also change
Sometimes change does not look spectacular. Sometimes it begins simply by allowing ourselves to feel bad, without judgment and without fighting against it.
Letting go of an ideal, of a desire we believed unquestionable, may feel like a great loss. And in part it is.
But it is also an act of freedom: the freedom to choose again how I want to live this moment. Again and again.
Developing tolerance for frustration is one of the processes we frequently work with in Gestalt Therapy, especially when reality does not match what we expected from life or from others.
You can also choose to accompany yourself with care
If you feel that you are facing a reality that is difficult to accept and you do not know how to comfort yourself without betraying your own truth, Gestalt Therapy may help.
Not to tell you what you should do, but to create together a space where you can hold your truth with kindness and courage.
